Before the Throne of God Above by Selah

what can I do?

Haiz... my parents are currently quarrelling:( My mum is super upset, and i think she's going to breakdown soon:( I don't know what I can do. My dad is as cool as cucumber while my mum is trying to communicate with him but he just blows her off and that makes my mum even more upset. Then my mum has no one to tell her troubles to, other than me cos my bro too young and immature. I want to help but I don't want to sit there seeing her cry and being able to do nth about it. I really dunno the full story but I think I'll side with my mum cos I know that they have been quarrelling and that my mum is always the one getting upset. I feel so helpless. What can i do? I'm only a kid. and Although i know that my mum only has me to tell he troubles to but hearing all this make me feel so frustrated and helpless.So for know, the only think I can do is pray. Pray to the heavenly father.

Yesterday I went to Y's house. I realised that we can get along but they still don't think like me or understand what I am saying. I still feel like I can't fully be myself with them. This would probaly be our last meeting because x is going overseas soon.

Friends?

Ahhhhh! I'm super frustrated! I have like these 2 friends, they are nice and all but we just don't click together, whereas J, T and Y the good friends I mentioned in my earlier post, we have this bond and I feel like myself around them. Let's just call these 2 friends x and y... they are fun to be with but they are just too different from me so I don't feel comfortable around them. They are kinda ego, a lil' stubborn, vain? And in a way, high maintanence. I can't help feeling pressurised. Hmmm... maybe because they have a lot of money and spoilt? Haiz, so I don't know what to do:( I just don't feel like I'm treating them like how a real friend should. I know that they treat me as a real friend and are good to me, often asking me what I want, and they understand me when I say stuff that is complicating.

x understands the random stuff I say
She is nice
She is cool
She is smart
She knows how to have fun
She is stubborn
She is ego
She can be desperate
She is insane
I love her
But at times
I can't understand her

y is thoughtful
She is kind
She is nice
She treasures her friends
She is smart
She listens
And tries to undersand
She is vain
She is spoilt
She does not understand how
Fortunate she is
She does not like people to be angry
So she uses a lot of
"chills"
She is an awesome friend
But sometimes it kinda appears as
Bribing?
Or desperate?
But I understand
That she is afraid to lose
Her friends
She is insecure.

My final question to ask myself
"Friends?"

Realising

I still love to watch dramas but I'm beginning to know that life isn't only about watching dramas or videos. There's still so much things out there to experience! My friends want me to hang out with them. I want to because every time it's with people I have not seen for a long time or want to get to know better. But it gets tiring after a while. Because some of them are just totally different from me. It is kinda difficult to get along cos I feel a bit pressurised and uneasy. But I love my friends! And sometimes I just want to laze around the house, not wanting to go out. It takes time, money, and energy. And to be honest, I'm not really enjoying myself or being happy when I go out at times. But I know that if I don't try going out with different people, doing different things then I might never enjoy myself. I will have to learn how to get along with people who are different from me someday, so I should start now. So I realised that stepping out of my comfort zone, doing things that I never thought I would do in my entire life, that's what life's about.

Friends

Today, I had friends over to my place. We ate, watched movies and ate even more!XD It was nice to hang out with them!I'm gonna write lil' poems bout them...

J's cool.
She's calm and fun
My human blog
She listens to my troubles
And gives me actual advice
Peacemaker I call her
Represented by a four leaf clover.

Y's fun
This person who I can hang out with
She's lame
And sarcastic at times
But I like lame and sarcastic people.
She's the most "normal"
In the sense that she's not this
Calm dude or this crazy one
She's just herself.

T's this really funky gal
With awesome fashion
And cute art doodles.
Not to mention crazy too
But crazy brings laughter to people
and I love laughter!
Her laughter is contagious
And so is she!

These guys are awesome
I like them for very different reasons
But ultimately
We are the best together
One for all and all for one!

I don't know

Actually recently I have serious doubts about understanding myself. After all the person that is the hardest to understand is yourself.Give for example I always thought I was this gracious, cool person. But for some weird reason, this year my behaviour changed but I don't know whether this is because of my environment or just my true colours. Hmmm... It's like I always thought I was gracious but I cannot help envying and being jealous of someone with things I want. I always dismiss the thoughts when I think of it and be a little disgusted and angry at myself for even thinking that. So I really don't know what is my real personality and what is it that I want myself to be. Another example was: Starting this year for some unknown reason, I keep getting pissed at small things and people and No it is not PMS...Actually pissed is not the right word it should be annoyed or irritated but it always comes out as me saying that I'm pissed. The thing is that I continuously grumble about stuff that irritates me to my friends. I don't think that that is nice of me but I don't know how to change. I used to be this really cool person and although I got angry then it wasn't over minor details but over stuff that I feel strongly about but now... so I do not know what my real personality is. It might have been that all those years before was me suppressing my emotions while this year, I announce my feelings to my friends(Probaly overly much). It is kinda freaky to be so confused by my actions, but that's life! I'll live through it and find a way:D

Capture the moment~

Has been so long since I updated because of the exams and me being lazy:P I'll try my best and give a post a day or more staring now!:)

All has changed
I feel it
My way of seeing things
My way of doing things
My way of life

I am happy to say
I tried my best
Like I said I would
I'm happy.

I did all right
Good try
I say
As compared to the rubbish before

I am starting to like my school
Yes
It's tough
Yes
It's tiring
And yes
It's fulfilling.

Looking back at photos
I feel old
And nostalgia washes over me
I laugh at the epicness
and the ugly candid shots
This is what's great in life

Always cherish the moment
No matter how painful
No matter how tiring
Because ten years down the road
Everything would seem like a HUGE joke

Cherish THIS moment
Because once it's gone
It's gone.