Camp!!

I came back from camp on the 10th and I had no internet connection there which I think is great! Gives me time and space so that I can fully concentrate on God!I'm just gonna update on a few stuff that happened during the camp(or maybe one):
The campers there were split into 6 groups--love,peace,life,light,faith and last but not least my group, TRUTH!!!We also had 1 leader and 2 assistant leader. My leader was a super nice guy but he had to go back home because he was not feeling well on the first night:( So one of my team members, took over being the leader. Now this guy, is also super nice and added on he's super high and enthu! Let's just name him N. He was really very crazy and funny during games and other activites, so when I found out he was the uncle of my very good friend, and that he was the one who had depression, it really shocked me! Like really shocked me and I was also devastated.It's because he is in the same school as me, I mean somewhat my future school, haiz...it's confusing. I think that he had depression because of that school, it being too competitive and tiring perhaps. I checked with my good friend and she confirmed it. Being in the same school as him I feel so sad, and I don't even know where the sadness comes from. Maybe it's cos he's such a nice, kind, fun and enthu person and imagining him as a depressed person just makes my heart break. I just can't imagine it. I feel that it is somehow my fault because I am related to the
school. I m beginning to doubt whether I can take the pressure from the school. I don't know whether it's gonna be good for me, I mean someone as cheerful as him can be so stressed to the point of depression. Can I pull through? Dear heavenly father, please help me, help me alleviate these thoughts and sadness.In Jesus most precious name, I pray. Amen.

Camp!

Tomorrow going to church youth camp in malaysia. It's a camp only for teens which means no adults! I remembered enjoying it last yr so hope this yr is fun too! They are ppl who did no go last yr that are going now. They're my age! Although I think that'll be cool but I think it'll be kinda tiring to go everywhere as a group! Many of those who went last yr are not coming this yr:( I just want to have fun there, rediscover and reevaluate myself and also to learn more bout God! I hope everyone whether in Sg or camp will stay safe! I'll miss my home, parents, brother and maid!Hope they miss me tooXD Nah jk hope they dun miss me too much! Signing off from Singapore!xoxo

People?

It's so scary and disturbing that u can nvr fully understand someone. There's loads of fake people in the world and they may be around u. U nvr know whether the person is truly good to u, care bout u. For all u know it's all an act. Some people are obviously fake but those aren't that scary cos u know to steer away from them and not to believe what they say. Those who seems super nice on the outside and are seemingly close to u, those are the scariest. What if they don't treat u as a friend and u treat them as ur good one? I know I seem paranoid but it's just a random though I cannot seem to shake off. How do u know ppl are treating u well? There's no sure method. And only God knows. I guess sincerity and love can only be felt using the heart.

Before the Throne of God Above by Selah

what can I do?

Haiz... my parents are currently quarrelling:( My mum is super upset, and i think she's going to breakdown soon:( I don't know what I can do. My dad is as cool as cucumber while my mum is trying to communicate with him but he just blows her off and that makes my mum even more upset. Then my mum has no one to tell her troubles to, other than me cos my bro too young and immature. I want to help but I don't want to sit there seeing her cry and being able to do nth about it. I really dunno the full story but I think I'll side with my mum cos I know that they have been quarrelling and that my mum is always the one getting upset. I feel so helpless. What can i do? I'm only a kid. and Although i know that my mum only has me to tell he troubles to but hearing all this make me feel so frustrated and helpless.So for know, the only think I can do is pray. Pray to the heavenly father.

Yesterday I went to Y's house. I realised that we can get along but they still don't think like me or understand what I am saying. I still feel like I can't fully be myself with them. This would probaly be our last meeting because x is going overseas soon.

Friends?

Ahhhhh! I'm super frustrated! I have like these 2 friends, they are nice and all but we just don't click together, whereas J, T and Y the good friends I mentioned in my earlier post, we have this bond and I feel like myself around them. Let's just call these 2 friends x and y... they are fun to be with but they are just too different from me so I don't feel comfortable around them. They are kinda ego, a lil' stubborn, vain? And in a way, high maintanence. I can't help feeling pressurised. Hmmm... maybe because they have a lot of money and spoilt? Haiz, so I don't know what to do:( I just don't feel like I'm treating them like how a real friend should. I know that they treat me as a real friend and are good to me, often asking me what I want, and they understand me when I say stuff that is complicating.

x understands the random stuff I say
She is nice
She is cool
She is smart
She knows how to have fun
She is stubborn
She is ego
She can be desperate
She is insane
I love her
But at times
I can't understand her

y is thoughtful
She is kind
She is nice
She treasures her friends
She is smart
She listens
And tries to undersand
She is vain
She is spoilt
She does not understand how
Fortunate she is
She does not like people to be angry
So she uses a lot of
"chills"
She is an awesome friend
But sometimes it kinda appears as
Bribing?
Or desperate?
But I understand
That she is afraid to lose
Her friends
She is insecure.

My final question to ask myself
"Friends?"

Realising

I still love to watch dramas but I'm beginning to know that life isn't only about watching dramas or videos. There's still so much things out there to experience! My friends want me to hang out with them. I want to because every time it's with people I have not seen for a long time or want to get to know better. But it gets tiring after a while. Because some of them are just totally different from me. It is kinda difficult to get along cos I feel a bit pressurised and uneasy. But I love my friends! And sometimes I just want to laze around the house, not wanting to go out. It takes time, money, and energy. And to be honest, I'm not really enjoying myself or being happy when I go out at times. But I know that if I don't try going out with different people, doing different things then I might never enjoy myself. I will have to learn how to get along with people who are different from me someday, so I should start now. So I realised that stepping out of my comfort zone, doing things that I never thought I would do in my entire life, that's what life's about.

Friends

Today, I had friends over to my place. We ate, watched movies and ate even more!XD It was nice to hang out with them!I'm gonna write lil' poems bout them...

J's cool.
She's calm and fun
My human blog
She listens to my troubles
And gives me actual advice
Peacemaker I call her
Represented by a four leaf clover.

Y's fun
This person who I can hang out with
She's lame
And sarcastic at times
But I like lame and sarcastic people.
She's the most "normal"
In the sense that she's not this
Calm dude or this crazy one
She's just herself.

T's this really funky gal
With awesome fashion
And cute art doodles.
Not to mention crazy too
But crazy brings laughter to people
and I love laughter!
Her laughter is contagious
And so is she!

These guys are awesome
I like them for very different reasons
But ultimately
We are the best together
One for all and all for one!

I don't know

Actually recently I have serious doubts about understanding myself. After all the person that is the hardest to understand is yourself.Give for example I always thought I was this gracious, cool person. But for some weird reason, this year my behaviour changed but I don't know whether this is because of my environment or just my true colours. Hmmm... It's like I always thought I was gracious but I cannot help envying and being jealous of someone with things I want. I always dismiss the thoughts when I think of it and be a little disgusted and angry at myself for even thinking that. So I really don't know what is my real personality and what is it that I want myself to be. Another example was: Starting this year for some unknown reason, I keep getting pissed at small things and people and No it is not PMS...Actually pissed is not the right word it should be annoyed or irritated but it always comes out as me saying that I'm pissed. The thing is that I continuously grumble about stuff that irritates me to my friends. I don't think that that is nice of me but I don't know how to change. I used to be this really cool person and although I got angry then it wasn't over minor details but over stuff that I feel strongly about but now... so I do not know what my real personality is. It might have been that all those years before was me suppressing my emotions while this year, I announce my feelings to my friends(Probaly overly much). It is kinda freaky to be so confused by my actions, but that's life! I'll live through it and find a way:D

Capture the moment~

Has been so long since I updated because of the exams and me being lazy:P I'll try my best and give a post a day or more staring now!:)

All has changed
I feel it
My way of seeing things
My way of doing things
My way of life

I am happy to say
I tried my best
Like I said I would
I'm happy.

I did all right
Good try
I say
As compared to the rubbish before

I am starting to like my school
Yes
It's tough
Yes
It's tiring
And yes
It's fulfilling.

Looking back at photos
I feel old
And nostalgia washes over me
I laugh at the epicness
and the ugly candid shots
This is what's great in life

Always cherish the moment
No matter how painful
No matter how tiring
Because ten years down the road
Everything would seem like a HUGE joke

Cherish THIS moment
Because once it's gone
It's gone.

Happy national day Singapore!!! I <3 u! And i would like to give a shout-out to the awesomest Google who dedicated the design of the logo to Singapore!:D

I used to hate my school. At least that was what i thought but no. I just realised I don't hate my school, I hate myself. I used to complain about the heavy load of work and the boring CCA and many many other stuff. But only now do I know that it is only a lot because I don't manage my time and push it all to the last minute. That is sad. Only now do I really learn and appreciate my school. My school is cool and fulfilling i gotta say. And i was reminded yet again becaus of national day celebrations. I spent last yr at this same school. Then, I felt it a bit awkward that the pupils were so "open". But now i noe that that is the united spirit. And that we are very bonded. I felt truly happy singing along to the national day songs with my friends and just going crazy! I love that feeling! I'll treasure these memories with me forever~

I act as if i don't care
about grades or life
or friends.

But no.
I am selfish.
I want everything
to go as I want.

I go around telling people
even those who hurt themself
that life is okay.
And that we should not care too much.
I mean every word.


But sometimes,
I just want to shine.
Do well
with my own efforts.

I want to manage myself
manage time
manage life
and get the grades I deserve

In truth,
I have never worked hard.
I have never tried my best.
I just want to try
and see what I get.

Wish me the best:D

It's actually kinda comforting to know that i can pour out my feelings by typing in this blog. Since, ur not really commercialised or whatever, it's kinda this private and special bond. Sharing my fellings with not only u but also God.For He will always be there for me.

I don't know what I am doing anymore.

I don't know what I am doing anymore
playing around
never getting a thing done.

I hate myself for that.
I go to school everyday
making jokes
laugh and play

But in reality
I'm not that happy.
I watch dramas.
I fool around.
I waste my time.

My life's being dwindled away.

Why can't I seem to discipline myself?
Why can't I be tame
like the others.

I want to study
I really do
I wish someone can help me.

I want everything to go back,
when I was IN CHARGE
when I chose what I wanted to do
Yes, it's in the past tense.

I miss myself.

I have finished 2 dramas over the hols alr... Playful kiss which was overall rilly nice but lacking in details which the Taiwanese version provided but honestly, despite what ppl said i watched it and was almost bored to death but 2 was cute:)The other drama is My princess. The plot is typical ur-average-girl-turning-into princess plot but the LOVE was sooo kawaii:D and they had great chemistry!Planning to watch Great teacher onizawa, fated to love you, god of study, secret garden, my girlfriend is a guminho and many more. but I probaly can't watch that much or else i wouln't manage to study at all. But i'm pretty proud of myself that i did manage to study amidst the drama craze:3

I'm back:)June hols mugging now:P Taking up japanese is a lot of work. I wanted to study jap during the june hols but i juz can't seem to. I feel like quitting but i hate to give up without really trying. So...yeah i will try:/and sec school life is difficult so diff from pri sch. I could slack then play all i wanted but now i can't and not to mention no tui:'(. So i have many nice friends here but somehow i feel it's superficial i mean not that they aren't my real friends but i feel that I'm not who I am when I'm with them. Not fake. Just different. I liked myself better when I was in pri sch. Hmmm... i guess i'll work on showing more of myself. Here, I'm juz showing who I am on the outside but not the inside. And I've juz watched kungfu panda 2 and Pirates of the carribean: On stranger tides. Po was so cute:D But the show was average. I liked the first one better wif all the dumplings and allXD I'll give it a...6.5/10? and for pirates of the carribean it was really sweet as in the couples...8.5/10:)And i wanna watch X-men and super 8 soon:) Heard that they were damn gd:)